I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
