Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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