I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
