the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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