is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
