Texts From Last Night

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  (541): View more from Oregon

  someone get that fucking seahorse.

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  (541): someone get that fucking seahorse. http://tfl.nu/vz56
  Replies (20) Good night (2711) Bad night (566)
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  (710): View more from

  So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )

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  (710): So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : ) http://tfl.nu/fktm
  Replies (17) Good night (2905) Bad night (513)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  i wish starbucks made bloody marys

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  (314): i wish starbucks made bloody marys http://tfl.nu/p9ip
  Replies (21) Good night (3974) Bad night (695)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"

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  (303): You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty" http://tfl.nu/y2bi
  Replies (21) Good night (1089) Bad night (5956)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.

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  (705): i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding. http://tfl.nu/t3vj
  Replies (6) Good night (5386) Bad night (790)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.

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  (908): I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest. http://tfl.nu/fc4o
  Replies (9) Good night (5295) Bad night (917)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.

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  (804): I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast. http://tfl.nu/dcvd
  Replies (26) Good night (1686) Bad night (3390)
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  (925): View more from California

  370HSSV 0773H read that upside down

  (1-925): View more from California

  what are you doing with your life

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  (925): 370HSSV 0773H read that upside down (1-925): what are you doing with your life http://tfl.nu/25tc
  Replies (19) Good night (5107) Bad night (1338)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment

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  (201): There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment http://tfl.nu/jnnd
  Replies (2) Good night (610) Bad night (1427)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.

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  (717): He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes. http://tfl.nu/uq08
  Replies (12) Good night (1426) Bad night (1069)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped

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  (319): Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped http://tfl.nu/i5o2
  Replies (33) Good night (1362) Bad night (641)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar

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  (207): My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar http://tfl.nu/m9rj
  Replies (6) Good night (1201) Bad night (441)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.

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  (443): I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley. http://tfl.nu/k95g
  Replies (7) Good night (862) Bad night (606)
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  (760): View more from California

  Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.

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  (760): Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty. http://tfl.nu/d48e
  Replies (14) Good night (1049) Bad night (588)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm

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  (314): Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm http://tfl.nu/kthz
  Replies (1) Good night (603) Bad night (246)

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