i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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