but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.