He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Sex on roller skates
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.