Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?

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(970): View more from Colorado

I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed

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(407): View more from Florida

So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(419): View more from Ohio

Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony

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(618): View more from Illinois

We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.

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(810): View more from Michigan

I will find, mount, and marry that person.

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