i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
yeah, it was that bad.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.