in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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