I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Randomize
