every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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