party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
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That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
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I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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