Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
