She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
