Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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