Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
