I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
