she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
