ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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