So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
