he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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