today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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