That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
