I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
