dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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