my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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