he shaved USA in his pubs
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
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My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
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You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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