I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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