I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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