Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
