I'm jealous of your bromance
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize