if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
