you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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