Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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