sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
