too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
