I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
