Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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