I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
