I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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