But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
