Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
