Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
