the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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