i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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