i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
