half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
