I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
