everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
