Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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