dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
