Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
