so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
