we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
