Hey man sorry I got all grabby
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
