I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize