Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
