I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
