i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
