i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
