I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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