the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
