it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
