i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
