her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
