remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
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Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
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you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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