Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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