Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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