It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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