My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I did not marry a roomba.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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