You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
