sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
