you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just blew my weed a kiss
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I need to align my fucking chakras
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
