You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
