been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
