Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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