I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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