I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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