moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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